This season, Bourdain is OFF the leash!

"Somewhere an aging supermodel is crying..."

Those were the words that came out of Chef Anthony's Bourdain's mouth in his season premiere episode of "No Reservations: Panama." So, what prompted the snarkiness?

A recent romp to Panama brought back memories of days gone by and Tony found himself in a field filled with kilos of cocaine and watching Panamanian National Security destroy six tons of the confiscated drug. ( A "chance encounter" Tony claims.)

(PS: Shamu and Boxer may click HERE.)

"It looks like Keith Richards' bed spread in the 70's..."

(Click Tony's photo to find out what the hell he's talking about and watch him burn SIX TONS OF COCAINE in Panama!)

In the latest episodes of No Reservations, Anthony Bourdain is more irreverent than ever. He has openly made drug references in both his Panama and Istanbul shows, his first two shows of the season. He just doesn't give a $hit and La Diva is loving it.

In a Beevis voice:

"Heh, heh, he said cocaine...heh, heh..."

But seriously, his honesty and humility in saccharine TV land is so refreshing and you JUST KNOW those comments would never fly on the Food Network. The man is an open book!

And who doesn't love Zamir, Tony's hilarious Russian sidekick who shares so many hysterical, yet painful, episodes including the trip to Uzbekistan where Tony received his famous bone-cracking massage courtesy of the rambunctious Ruskie? Payback is a bitch...

Anthony Bourdain is "Snarkenstein" and Zamir is Dracula in their new cartoon "Alternate Universe!" Click on the photo to watch the video and laugh your ass off!

The Alternate Universe cartoon is hilarious and in true Bourdain style, pokes fun at the cheesy stereotypical props of the show. La Diva knows why Anthony made this. The Romanian episode WASN'T HIS BEST SHOW and the man is, ahem, embarrassed. How the hell Tony ended up at a lame Dracula-themed restaurant on Halloween, we'll never know. (Oh, but we DO know, it's all Zamir's fault! Read about it HERE! As Tony throws Zamir under the bus!) Bourdain promises more episodes of "Alternate Universe" to come. (And it sure beats the hell out of watching Andrew Zimmern getting hot oil dripped on his bald pate while sporting a loin cloth at a spa in India! EEEWWW TMI!!!)

Tony explains the "Alternate Universe" on his blog:

"There seems to be some understandable confusion with the announcement of our upcoming "web series", ALTERNATE UNIVERSE. Reactions varying between "WTF!!??" and " This time he's jumped the shark for sure." While shark jumping is always a danger--particularly since me and my partners take a perverse delight in flirting with just that with every new outrage (The family friendly Sardinia show being an example of a profoundly risky rub up against 'off-brand,' late-era Fonzarelli), these dark, nasty, frequently foul TWO MINUTE LONG web extras are not a replacement for NO RESERVATIONS. They are not a pilot for some new, family friendly, watered down follow on. They are instead brief, often violent, alt versions of NO RES--representing things we could never have done on the actual show-or the way things should have gone on the show--or animated acknowledgments of what already went terribly wrong on the show. Or, for example, my take on the network's "Travel Bug" promo campaign--about which I was, shall we say...dubious.

They'll appear on the fan site--for those who wish to click on them. I wrote the damn things--so there's nobody to blame but me if they're not as quick, nasty--and funny as I think they are. And I want to thank Andrew Zimmern and Samantha Brown in advance--for their extraordinarily good humored participation in one particularly lurid episode. I hope we don't freak out their fan base."

If you are like La Diva and crave a bit of vinegar with your food porn, watch out for Tony's next episode: BRITTANY this Monday night 10pm Eastern time. (Click HERE for a sneak peek!) If the first two shows are any indication of how the rest of the season is going to pan out, La Diva is ready for more raucous reports from the rowdy raconteur!

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