Uh, no, I'm NOT. But sometimes I act like I am. Or THINK I am. I sometimes think I can do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING! I am LA DIVA. I am SuperWoman. Pile it on, baby, I won't say NO!
Well, I did. I told Lady Boxer that I was not going to participate in her Culinary Smackdown: Tofu. You see, La Diva has five events booked this week. Five. Me. By myself. And I've still got two to go.
Friday was a dinner for 15, Sunday, another dinner for 15 and last night I did a corporate class of 17 for Yahoo! YIPPEE!
But, I've only had a day in between each event and by the next day I am already prepping for the next one! But as it turns out, I had a wee bit of time tonight to try out my killer tofu idea!
YES!
Boy, I sure am glad I went to Boxer's blog and saw she already found this hilarious photo of Bacon vs. Tofu! I'm posting it anyway, as it cracked me up. I also don't get why you can't like both? I do. I don't get the tofu hate, it's too freakin' BLAND to hate!
Anywho....my tofu idea was a bit of a melange of croqueta mixed with arancini mixed with meatball. HUH?
La Diva was thinking, wouldn't it be great if I took some TOFU and added breadcrumbs, garlic, parmigiano cheese and fresh parsley like I would my meatballs and then I would put a little ball of fontina in the middle like I would arancini and then roll them in flour, egg and panko and fry them up like I would a croqueta and then put the crunchy, yummy lot over a fresh heirloom tomato coulis?!
YEAH BABY!
That would make a tofu lover out of anyone, I bet!
Hi. My name is Tofu and I can be anything you want me to be, baby. ANYTHING.
So, I started. Tonight. Bone tired and making a dinner out of leftover catering ingredients simultaneously. Because I. Am. SuperWoman.
I had the heirloom tomatoes on the stove, reducing them along with garlic, for the coulis.
Meanwhile, I sauteed an eggplant that didn't make it into Friday's roasted veggies, along with some diced pancetta that would go off if I didn't use it soon.
As my dinner of leftovers cooked, I started on the tofu. In the food processor went garlic, parsley and basil. Then the tofu. I used silken tofu. I put it into a bowl and added egg, salt, pepper, parmigiano cheese and a ton of breadcrumbs. It would not firm up. I added more breadcrumbs. And then some more. Still, the tofu was a gloupy mess. How would I be able to roll a meat-a-ball with this soupy tofu? I put it in the refrigerator to firm up.
The coulis was coming along nicely, the tomatoes broken down and reducing. Soon, I would puree them and then strain for a silky, divine coulis. Oooh, this was going to be GOOD!
I added a bunch of mushrooms and a chopped zucchini to the eggplant and pancetta. Then, I added the leftover, cut up lasagna noodles and would chuck in a can of tomatoes for a rustic, one bowl dinner that would use up all of the catering leftovers. I took a taste....nice!
I went and got the tofu. It was now a COLD gloupy mess. I added more breadcrumbs. I tasted it. MMMmmmm....garlic, breadcrumb tofu. It tasted ok but it was tasting more like strange bread.
Still....I could give it a shot. I tried to roll up a bit in my hand and it was like trying to roll up oatmeal. It needed to firm up. What to do? Waste even more breadcrumbs?
OR.....
Add it to the pasta on the stove!
YES!
It would be just like adding a bit of ricotta to the dish! Why, I did that ALL of the time! And it's GOOD!
YES!
That WOULD work! I AM LADIVA! I AM SuperWoman! YES, I AM!
I added a bit of the tofu and mixed it through into the pasta and veggies and had a quick taste. Mmmm...pretty good so far. So, I added more. And more. And mixed it in and then, HELL, WHY NOT PUT ALL OF IT IN?!
YES!
F*ck it. I don't have all night.
I added THE LOT.
And what did I get?
MUSH.
DOG'S BREAKFAST.
SPEW.
Well, at least that's what it looked like!!! IT WAS DISGUSTING. Not because it was tofu mind you. But, because the garlic I had added to the tofu was uncooked and tasted, well, raw.
And because it was TOO RICH with the egg and the parmigiano cheese.
And it just wasn't pretty. You could no longer see the eggplant, the mushrooms or the zucchini, all were drowning under the weight of beige, silken tofu garlic pulp!
I ate a bowl. It was really rich and garlicky and, well, kind of flavorful but not a great texture. It was mushy. I looked at the huge pan of it left on the stove. There was A LOT. Could I eat this again? I doubted it. I knew The DJ would not touch it, leftover lasagna noodles with mushy eggplant and mushy tofu would NOT be very inviting to a man that has just come home from a 12 hour day, La Diva would be pushing him too far. And I thought about THROWING IT OUT.
So, I did.
I. Am. NOT. SuperWoman.
*sigh*
And I SURE DO HATE throwing out food. But, that's what I get for trying to be SuperWoman and cooking when I'm tired and spent.
Here's what I was going for.
See?! Don't these tofu croquetas look good? Imagine MINE with fontina cheese oozing out of the middle and with parmigiano cheese and garlic and spices! Anyway, the recipe for THESE is from THIS SITE. I guess my mistake was that I didn't use FIRM tofu but silken instead. DOH.
So, I WILL try to make this again, with firm tofu, of course! But for tonight....
This SuperWoman is going to have a nice glass of wine, take a hot tub and 'CALL IT A DAY.'
Meanwhile, DO enjoy my lovely photo of La Diva's all time fave way to eat tofu: stir fried with veggies and cashews in a spicy Asian sauce. My recipe for the dish is HERE!
THANK YOU, Lady Boxer for hosting! You can see all the entries HERE and GOOD LUCK to all! Ciao for now, darlings!
*slurp*
ahhhh........
Pobrecita! As soon as you said "silken tofu", I knew it was going to be a disaster. Silken tofu is for soft things like custards and sauces. You definitely needed firm or extra firm tofu in this one. Ah, well... live and learn, I always say. :-) xox
ReplyDeleteBwaahahahahaha. Good on ya for tryin', Diva! Or maybe you just didn't want to win so you could avoid having the Smackdown host/judge/theme-picker duties next month on top of your already busy schedule. You'll always be a Super Woman in my book!
ReplyDeleteI heart YOU!! Because you posted essentially a fail and in soooo many ways, that's a win for me.
ReplyDeleteWhy? because tofu SUCKS. I'm not a fan. That's why I picked it for the Smackdown. You are a pro and even pros have long weeks with real customers/clients/work, but just like a PRO you tried and your post demonstrates why it's such a pain in the arse ingredient. Still, I consider this a contender and think you are soooo very... FABULOUS. As always. xoxooxoxo
I am a tofu fan....When someone else makes it. I applaud your effort. After those long days, I would have had my feet up with a glass of wine in the other hand.
ReplyDeleteIt's the foodie passion in you that drove you to tackle tofu in a creative way, even though you are bone tired.
Followed by a blog post.
Always,
Velva
All of your comments have made me laugh out loud! Pobrecita, indeed!
ReplyDeleteRenee, for some reason I thought the silken would be a better texture, live and learn is right!
Awwww, thanks Eggy! I like to post my failures and laugh about it for others that take cooking so darn seriously! See, I learned something today, FIRM tofu for FIRM food!
Thanks, Boxer! I *heart* tofu and actually crave it every once in a while but can only eat it with something crunchy (like the cashews) in a stir fry. Me no likey mushy texture but if it was hidden in a chocolate mousse, I'm sure I'd have no problem eating it! Had it one time cut into strips and put on a barbecue with barbecue sauce. MMmm...mushy barbecued tofu! It sucked!
Thanks, Velva, you are ALWAYS so supportive! You know the easy part for me is the writing! I just wish I would have taken a bit of the pasta out and tried it, the pasta was actually really good until I added the tofu! Grrrrrrr......!
Thank you for your comments, ladies, the other entries look pretty darn good!
Oh my goodness, that had to be so frustrating! See, I didn't know that about silken tofu--and firm tofu was all they had at WalMart (hey I live in PUEBLO, okay), so I went with it by accident and got lucky. But I LOVE the photo of the tofu stirfry and will try it soon!
ReplyDeleteThanks for having the courage to post a less than successful entry. You rock!
GG
Girl, we nearly jinxed! Bwahahahahaha! I'm with you, though, my favorite way to eat tofus is stir fried with plenty of yummy sauce and veggies.
ReplyDeleteAnd, thanks. Now I have the R.E.M. song stuck in my head. (BTW, no, you're not Super Woman. You're Wonder Woman!)
This sounded really promising and I liked your thought process. Maybe if you hadn't put the tofu in the food processor and just diced it up it would have stayed firm enough. Who knows, it was a good try though.
ReplyDeleteI always think of you as British Superhero Godiva. Bwahahaha
As soon as you said "tofu", I knew it was going to be a disaster.
ReplyDeleteJust kidding... sort of ... actually, the stirfry picture is the only way I have ever enjoyed tofu.
Rest assured, you are still a Super Woman in my book.
Caramba!!
ReplyDeleteI'se gigglin' at this hilarious romp through La Diva's kitchen--great idea, akshully.
What a good sport ya is La Diva-- an' us'uns love to hear the "failures" as well as the triumphs.
I can't beeleef joo are going back for more puneeshment.
ReplyDeleteFail or no fail, you still ROCK!
ReplyDeleteGood morning LaDiva,
ReplyDeleteDefinitely an A for your effort. If it was easy or tasty everyone would be doing it.
By the way, that stir fry is really the only way I would still eat tofu.
Happy Cooking!
Thanks, GG! Pueblo Colorado, man, that reminds me of those public service commercials back when I was a kid, you always were encouraged to write to Pueblo, Colorado for more information.....but I digress! Congrats on your win, Grumpy!
ReplyDeleteMoi, must admit, your fried creating with pasta and asparagus pushed all of my buttons! As for the song, I was thinking of the one by Alicia Keys! Thank you for your comments, my husband thinks I'm "wonder" woman too, as in I wonder what in the hell she was thinking?! haha!
Buzzy, you are so right! I was thinking about whether i should use the food processor or not but in the end, I was doomed from the start for using the wrong textured tofu. I like British Godiva, I do! (and those blue diagonal stripes are SO slimming! tee hee!) Thank you!
Thanks, FC, went through my vegetarian stage way back when and did all sorts of tofu experiments, the only recipe that made it to the future is the stir fry!
Aunty, you know if you can't laugh at your failures, well then, you take life (and cooking!) too seriously! I'm cracking up at YOUR entry and the photo of your dawg Henry! Thank you!
Yay! Dani! When are YOU going to join in on a smackdown? We'd love to have your entries! Thanks for the sweet, encouraging comments!
MOI: I ain't made it yet. But now I have a bee in my bonnet as well as a CRAVING that has not been met! I WANT CRUNCHY TOFU!!!! I'll keep you posted.....Have a great weekend, y'all! mwah!
I love the way your writing makes my heart and belly feel! XO Paul
ReplyDelete